Confrontation. You know, that thing we talked about last week. The thing we hate when it happens. So we try to avoid it at all cost. Because we’ve always thought of it as bad and scary.
But what if it’s not? What if it turns out to be a good thing? Something we don’t have to hate and avoid anymore. What if we actually learn to use it constructively…and end up more connected and content than we ever thought possible in our most significant, but often strained, relationships?
Wouldn’t that be awesome?
It’s amazing how a shift in perspective can change things. Not instantaneously, of course. The new perspective only prompts the process that results in change. Eventually. If we choose to stay in. All in. Because that’s what it takes…and in the meantime {for me, at least…when it comes to confrontation}, I’ll still hate when it happens. At least for a while. Until I successfully put the new perspective into practice. And believe me, this one’s going to take some practice!
It’s also going to take safe people…and a lot of courage. Even with people I consider safe, confrontation can feel bad and scary for me…and avoidance has always been my escape of choice. I’ve practiced it for a very long time, and as we all know…practice makes perfect. Right? Thus the need for a new perspective, a safe environment for processing new {and previously completely foreign} concepts, and a lot of practice!
It takes humility, too…first to admit my need to unlearn so I can learn the new skills I hate admitting I’ve never learned before. {It’s embarrassing. Makes me feel so behind in my development. I hate it!} But here’s what I have learned: the only way to confront this stuff is to swallow the pride that fuels perfectionism and expose the secret shame that makes imposters of us all. Both have robbed me of more than I care to dwell on anymore, and I only mention it in case the same may true for any of you.
Did I mention practice? Time? Commitment? It also requires partnership. Here’s why. Because change happens bit by bit. Step by step. Eventually. If we choose to stay in the process. And what makes all the difference in making that choice is the camaraderie of good friends and the safety of caring partnerships. When we intentionally seek and find this kind of comradeship, it’s amazing how good {even fun!} it can be to confront our stuff. Plus, there’s nothing like the bond it creates…as we risk opening up to identify with each other…bit by bit. As we help each other overcome great challenges…step by step. As we celebrate with even greater joy, the transformation we are privileged to witness in each other…eventually.
It’s why we share things we are learning together at the ACTS house…because we want you to know you’re not alone with your stuff. And we hope hearing about ours will provide a sense of camaraderie that spurs in you the courage it takes to confront your own.
So glad we can help!
